Red Army:
Sergeant: Gentlemen, this is the M-12-LRV, I like to call it the warthog.
Griff: Why warthog sir?
Sergeant: Because M-12-LRV is too hard to say in conversation son
Griff: No, but why “Warthog?” I mean, it doesn’t really look like a pig.
Sergeant: Say that again.
Griff: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sergeant: What in the Sam Hell is a puma?
Simmons: Uh, you mean like the shoe company?
Griff: No, like a puma, it’s a big cat; like a lion.
Sergeant: You’re making that up.
Griff: I’m telling you, it’s a real animal
Sergeant: Simmons, I want you to poison Giff’s next meal.
Simmons: Yes Sir!
Sergeant: Look, see these two toe hooks, they look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?
Griff: A walrus?
Sergeant: Didn’t I just tell you to stop making up animals?

Blue Army:
Tucker: What is that thing?
Church: (looking through a snipper riffle) I donno man, it looks like, uh, some kind of car down there. We better get back to base and report it.
Tucker: A car? How come they get a car?
Church: What are you complaining about man? We’re about to get a tank in the very next drop!
Tucker: You can’t pick up chicks in a tank!
Church: Oh, you know what you could b!tch about anything, couldn’t you? We’re gonna get a tank, and you’re worried about chicks! What chicks are we gonna pick up man?! Right! And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that!?
Tucker: What kind of car is it?
Church: I donno, I’ve never seen a car like that before, looks like a uh, like a big cat of some kind.
Tucker: What? Like a puma?
Church: Yeah man, there ya go.

Red Army:
Sergeant: So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we’re gonna stick with “The Warthog” how about it Griff?
Griff: No sir, no more suggestions
Sergeant: Are you sure? How about big foot?
Griff: That’s okay.
Sergeant: Unicorn?
Griff: No, really, uh, I’m cool.
Sergeant: Sasquatch?
Simmons: Leprechaun?
Griff: Hey, he doesn’t need to help man
Sergeant: Phoenix?
Griff: Oh, Christ
Sergeant: Hey Simmons, what’s the name of that Mexican lizard that eats all the goats?
Simmons: Uh, that would be the Chupacabra Sir!
Sergeant: Hey Griff, Chupathingy how about that? I like it, got a ring to it!

– Also episode #5 –

Church: Me and Tucker will go through the teleporter, and cut him off at the pass! Tucker, you ready?
Tucker: There is no way I’m going through that thing.
Church: Tucker, we don’t have time for this! Why would they give us a teleporter if doesn’t work?
Tucker: I don’t know! Why would they give us a tank that nobody could drive?
Church: We already tested the teleporter, remember?
Tucker: We threw rocks through it!
Church: And? So? The rocks came out the other side, didn’t they?
Tucker: Yeah, but they were all hot, and covered in black stuff.
Church: So this is what this is all about – you’re afraid of a little black stuff.
Tucker: Yes, I am. I am afraid of black stuff.

S – Hey
G – Ya
S – Why are we out here
G- I don’t know, it’s one of those life-long questions, why are we here. Are we a product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God who has a plan for us and everything. I don’t know man, but it keeps me up at night.
S – WHAT!! I mean why are we out here, in this canyon.
G- Oh, Uh i don’t know.
S- What was all that stuff about God.
G- O ummm nothing.
S- You wanna talk about it.
G-No
S- Ya sure
G- Ya
S-But seriously dude, why are we out here. The way I see it, we’re in the middle of a box canyon, no way in or out and the only reason we set up a red base over here is because they have a blue base over there and the only reason they have a blue base over there is because we have a red base over here.
G-Ya, thats because we’re fighting each other.
S- No but say we were to pull out today and they were to come take our base, then they would have 2 bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-de-f@#$in-do
G-Whats up with that anyway. I mean, i came down here to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Cheif blows up the whole covenant armada and I’m stuck out here in the middle of nowwhere fightin a bunch of blue guys.
(Now it goes to Tucker and Church spying on the red base)

T-What are they doin?
C-WHAT!
T-I said what are they doin now.
C-God D@#$ I’m gettin so sick of answerin that question.
T-Hey you have the F@#$in rifle. I can’t see sh#$ so don’t bi@#$ at me cuz i’m not goin to just sit up here and play with my di@# all day.
C-Ok OK look. There just standing there and talking. Thats all they ever do is just stand there and talk. Thats what they were doin last week. Thats what they were doin when you asked me 5 minutes ago. So 5 minutes from now, when you ask me, what they’re doin, my answer’s goin to be, there still just talkin and there still just standin there.
T-What are they talking about?
C-You know what, i f@#$in hate you.

(it goes back to the red base)

G-Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and more intelligent forms of life. Ya know, fight them.
S-Ya no sh%@, thats why they should put us in charge.

Sg.- LADIES!! FRONT AND CENTER ON THE DOUBLE!!!
S – ah f$%&! YES SIR!

Arghh I need help to find it…

But the whole series is very funny…